Maybe someone can advise me there is a situation that I can not master. I mцchte you explain my problem and my pain and hцren what do you say. Have no one to discuss this, but two work Colle Ginnen (who know me 6 years), my mother and my son (23 years); all those close to me people have a negative opinion about my question / my problem is this:
Met informed about Internet 1 1/2 months my partner. He is 38, I am 45 years. In his profile, he has shown that he was looking for friendships, but no fixed relationship. Because I put myself dermaЯen fьhlte to him, we met and have been together ever since. We are very much in love and I hoped / believed that it probably is not so serious with his 'polyamory'; of which he had erzдhlt me from the beginning. That he not seek 'solid' relationship, but a 'good' and other statements I have ignored until now. He is open, honest, spontaneous. Until recently, our relationship was a dream. But his disposition (?) Plays a role, by the way he speaks (informed about jealousy, love kцnnen several people who owned urge etc.).
When he touched the issue yesterday, I raised him darьber. His last ex was polyamorцs, characterized he came up with the concept in contact and found a Erklдrung closed for his Gefьhle, he wдre predisposed.
He experienced our partnership (previous too?) Very intens, talking with work colleagues informed about our Verhдltnis and is very loving. But it can happen that He might have hit someone falls in love, on the basis of friendship and communication. Then he mцchte these and fьhren our relationship to each other. He himself was not eifersьchtig and I brдuchte not to be worried that he me vernachlдssigen wьrde (as if love is divided into portions ...) and that it mьsse well be discussed when the extent wдre times.
Yesterday I crashed far down from cloud 7 ... I had hoped that this 'Poly' is a kind of idea that will verflьchtigen. After all, he has never gefьhrt a relationship that has kept lдnger than 3 months. He geдuЯert that our time together is different from other (inter alia, communication, interest in one another, now I found what I've been looking for), lieЯ me think that we tackle a real (monogamous) relationship. I thought that if we are lдnger together, he will see how love can arise, which he could do in one of his short relationship hardly well, and thus he wьrde know about schдtzen our love and no other need.
Since our Gesprдch I am no longer carefree and spontaneous, but injured, suspicious, and was afraid of losing him or much heartache will contribute to mьssen. But he is a man I do not want to lose!
How can I handle this, who has experience what is your opinion? Please give me advice!
diana, I wьrde the thought that this 'predisposition' verflьchtigt with him (because you are the groЯe love) forget. and do so quickly. nдmlich likely it will not. but you'll get into a spiral, you'll convince you that it (if you erfдhrst of the first extra-relationship) was just a blip, thinking that he 'it' already still will understand - understand MUST if you only have enough verstдndnis and love and so on invest.
so you hдngst at Anglo, and everything becomes more difficult.
you have learned the man to know in internet, I schдtze, the probability that he not only when he meets someone zufдllig, fьhrt this zusдtzliche relationship, but that he actually seeks is very groЯ.
I wьrde me ask a question: what will you feel when he says to you, because there are still susi and nelly and lily? if you can live with that - okay.
if your dream image a monogamous relationship - then I see little chances.
Quote by Golem ... I had hoped that this 'Poly' is a kind of idea that will verflьchtigen. After all, he has never gefьhrt a relationship that has kept lдnger than 3 months. He geдuЯert that our time together is different from other (inter alia, communication, interest in one another, now I found what I've been looking for), lieЯ me think that we tackle a real (monogamous) relationship. I thought that if we are lдnger together, he will see how love can arise, which he could do in one of his short relationship hardly well, and thus he wьrde know about schдtzen our love and no other need.Hello Diana,
first, you'll need it.
What you bring to believe he wьrde make it different from the other just with you? I do not mean, daЯ You're not good enough, but daЯ probably all his relationships so were so short because he happens to not want any monogamous relationship. What he does say more than clear!
If you have the idea of a monogamous partnership, separating yourself from this man. He's probably on the Internet on the go, because this is a good chance to fьhren many non-binding relationships.
His idea of the ideal relationship is different than yours. "Heal" there is not there, he is not sick, but simply has different views than you.
If you still can, try you now to separate before you gerдtst in the loop, speaks of the Emilie - otherwise You run after him stдndig and try your love 'to bring to the man' which they have liked brings with him, but his in mцchte distributed to many women return.
if it wдre so easy to дndern the mind, then just imagine Just imagine how easy it wдre closed for you, a polygamous relationship WANT.
You can only wдhlen between poly-with-him and mono-without him. Mono-with-it is not on offer.
This is definitely hard closed for you, but I think it's Realitдt.
Love GrьЯe and all the best
You stand mцglicherweise on the threshold of a very groЯen Passion, if you now do not pull the brake. And I think that you also weiЯt itself.
It is no wonder that the people who are close to you, your situation (it?) Considered negative. They worry about you. Do not judge them so, but look its concern than at what it is: the right.
Nor is it frьh enough to say goodbye to a dream without grцЯere injuries. Keep it in your memory - it has not yet hurt you. Be honest with you.
All the best and I force you person you are seeking.
I can empathize exactly as you fьhlst you! I was 2 years along with a wonderful, passionate, great man who has taken this form of life also closed for lay claim.
He was honest with me from the beginning and I have long believed in order to get along - but I broke up after 2 years because of "pain" was always grцsser and I finally "I" wanted to be.
He loved me, that is not a question - but he has loved and the other women with whom he had a relationship! When we were together, he carried me to Hдnden but I did get the other when he is with them.
I also had the idea zeiweilig "if I love him just enough, then he can live monogamous" .... but that does not work because the "other" him aswell "love enough",
Maybe I was one of the few, perhaps the only one he has erzдhlt from all others. A Mдdel (from the neighboring country) had been diagnosed with breast cancer and is also due died. He has until the end gekьmmert more than loving them (but even there only "weekly" as others waited) and called me in tears when she died.
He once ausgedrьckt it this way: "I'm in love with love and be in love" - the kick that's a new conquest, without abandoning the existing because each has its "peculiarities" Has.
He never wanted the separation, I needed them. Today we talk from time to time and look forward both to hцren each other. But I'm back "I" and the pain is over and that is important.
Even though it might anhцrt banal: It's not his problem! It is your problem standing in the room, and like him, also you have an option!
I person you are seeking you all the best and "Drьck you" ! It's damn hard !!! to let go of the perfect man if you can not take it anymore.
Quote by Golem
In his profile, he has shown that he was looking for friendships, but no fixed relationship.
After all, he has never gefьhrt a relationship that has kept lдnger than 3 months.My previous speakers have said it already uncertain terms. Decide you have to.
But a note yet: Someone with 38 never lдnger 3 months had a relationship, is not polyamorцs in my eyes, even though that sounds pretty decent, but quite banal beziehungsunfдhig!
Hello my dears,
Thank closed for your answers, advice and comfort ... well, not only that rдt me to first wait ... Wдre because no Lichtblick a hope?
I mцchte still a lot to tell, plays along it.
My friend is as not just as the ex of Baleares. was in its infancy my mistreated (I), both we went with 18 out of the parental home. In his brief relationship there has never been fraud, except once, when he was 20 years old. And he has this poly-dinges never lived in his relationships. His relationship ended due to other causes.
My opinion is that he has never gefьhlt love, neither of their parents or in relationships (because they were probably too short to do so) and love and can not know. Is it worth trying our Verhдltnis that anfьhlt so good (except, well) to continue with the Mцglichkeit when we are lдnger together, it makes the experience of love (not just in love) and these can schдtzen and does not want to risk. Yet this requires lдnger than the previous period of three months. Maybe it's a revelation closed for him (and closed for me) when he witnessed how a relationship may be that lдnger lasts. These are criteria closed for me not to give up, vorlдufig, although I'm afraid very confused and hurt /.
I see him until Monday again (he is in Dдnemark, labor) and can still rack my many long days the head. WeiЯ not know what will happen next, since we went apart cracked today, the topic was broached in the morning again. Grmbl.
Oh, despair, get out!
Very direct question:
What do you think befдhigt you, him "heal"?
I think it is closed for a TrugschluЯ to believe that one mьsse just enough to someone hinlieben, then he'll find on the right path. Is natьrlich the gewьnschte from you.
As long as he has no suffering: why should he дndern his life? And even if he the hдtte, it wдr damn hard work by himself. Where you can unterstьtzen him, but nothing more.
He must want дndern something else you can do whatever you want and it will not help.
This energy I wьrde persцnlich prefer someone devote the also schдtzen the weiЯ.
Quote by Golem But he is a man I do not want to lose! Love Golem!
If you love him, you is muЯt accept him as he and not hope or expect that he will дndern.
That being said, you have no partner in the assurance that he would not otherwise love, no claim of ownership.