Hassgefьhle against my partner – why?

Hi, I'm new here and wanted to contact me with a current problem to you.

Bin together for 4.5 years with my boyfriend. We live together.

Years ago, about 6.5 I was depresiv (was a time in therapy, but have everything worked was a terrific fight, every day, Rьckzug, thoughts of death crying, etc.). Since then, all дuЯert to Glьck only in a "bad mood" - heiЯt:) find no comparison to then and it usually passes after a few days because I find the strength through Aktivitдten (sports, ...) a way closed for me negative view of everything Gefьhlslosigkeit, self-doubt, fear of the future, etc.. So can live quite well with it and it is a "bad day" near. My friend weiЯ it and now goes quite well with it. In the beginning he was very ьberfordert, now he creates cheer me up and find the right words it often. Unfortunately, my Gefьhl then applies always цfter against him, and I use it as a valve closed for my fear, doubt, etc.

It shows that I'm doing it Vorwьrfe, provoke controversy, and all my anger quasi omit him. In these moments I fьhle not closed for him. Nothing at all. Only one kind of hatred. then take no mince words. Put him and the relationship in question. Tell him as he gets on my bag that I have no desire to be drivel that he should fuck off, so I'm not so normal - so we really do not talk to each other. It gives me no matter what vцllig makes in the moments with him - he do not care. And most of all I wьrde ьberrollen him with my anger. Him say "I hate you, you ass, etc. I could not yet zurьckhalten to Glьck. I schдme me dafьr. In these moments, I see only the "bad" in him. He responded mostly factual, shows Verstдndnis - which I think is terrible.

I stцren natьrlich things about him, but in the times where I feel good these things are vцllig irrelevant because even insignificant, and I love him. For example on household: it then brings me to WeiЯglut and lдsst closed for me question the whole relationship. Only when it comes to children, I am so "frustrated" because I still want to wait until View next year since lдngerem ready but this he wдre. Or. I'm thought and I doubt (just because of my sometimes negative Gefьhlen the world gegenьber) and he did not entkrдftet that, but makes himself his own concerns (money, security, time ...) Where he natьrlich has a right on it and what I understand normal , In a bad phase but closed for me the absolute death sentence closed for the relationship.

Am afraid that this continues and I ьberschreite perhaps more boundaries, the relationship zerstцre and all the best that is between us. maybe Do you know something? Am I unglьcklich with the relationship and verdrдnge it otherwise only? Or do I just leave EVERYTHING I negative fьhle him out - for added - it lдsst me just better fьhlen to focus it closed for my problems. What I kцnnte do then?

A good step in any case that you realize that your behavior is not appropriate! Can you these situations when you realize that they escape coming up, sports, go for a run?
Maybe you need again a little help in the form of a psychologist, for 5-6 years now been a long time and new things are happening.

I'm thought and I doubt (just because my gegenьber sometimes negative Gefьhlen the world) and it does not entkrдftet theCarlien that can do a partner, but it is not his job. Perhaps the task is buried here closed for you, nдmlich to recognize that every person trдgt responsibility closed for his thoughts and Gefьhle yourself and you do not do / woman his mood on the behavior of the partner abhдngig but SELF provides closed for himself.

Karla

Quote by carlienIt shows that I'm doing it Vorwьrfe, provoke controversy, and all my anger quasi omit him. In these moments I fьhle not closed for him. Nothing at all. Only one kind of hatred. then take no mince words. Put him and the relationship in question. Tell him as he gets on my bag that I have no desire to be drivel that he should fuck off, so I'm not so normal - so we really do not talk to each other. It gives me no matter what vцllig makes in the moments with him - he do not care. And most of all I wьrde ьberrollen him with my anger. Him say "I hate you, you ass, etc.,welcome to the bri

you write a treatment for your depression.
are you doing at the moment also? if not, you kцnntest you imagine to make one?
mцglicherweise your partner is the wrong partner who makes you fundamentally aggressive from this.
although he does not do anything, you hate him. hate is a word groЯes.
and I'm wondering frankly that he accepts it that way.

I think you should go to the thing on the ground. precisely why you have so hassgefьhle gegenьber your partner?

was the exbeziehungen in your same? maybe you're the "right" people not met?

First: Chapeau closed for much sincerity and self-reflection.

You realize yourself that your behavior also actually borders unreasonable and also psychological / verbal abuse. A partner should not be considered "Punching Bag" her keep mьssen.

What I auffдllt: you wдhrend your partner or learned in the meantime stabilized a bit you know towards the end of severely depressed phase. From the text it reads as if you were very dissatisfied and frustrated.

Quote by carlienI stцren natьrlich things about him, but in the times where I feel good these things are vцllig irrelevant because even insignificant, and I love him. For example on household: it then brings me to WeiЯglut and lдsst closed for me question the whole relationship. Only when it comes to children, I am so &# 8222; gefrustet&# 8220; I still want to wait until View next year since lдngerem but ready he wдre. Or. I'm thought and I doubt (just because of my sometimes negative Gefьhlen the world gegenьber) and he did not entkrдftet that, but makes himself his own concerns (money, security, time&# 8230) where he natьrlich has a right on it and what I understand normal. In a bad phase but closed for me the absolute death sentence closed for the relationship.Fertility is a very serious issue and Bedьrfnis and it can be very difficult if the partners have different ideas bezьglich of the time. To make matters worse, you even doubt hдufig and the overall climate of the relationship also appears anything but harmonious.

May I ask how old you are or you're both?

Am afraid that this continues and I ьberschreite perhaps more boundaries, the relationship zerstцre and all the best that is between us. maybe Do you know something? Am I unglьcklich with the relationship and verdrдnge it otherwise only? Or do I just leave EVERYTHING I fьhle negatively about him from &# 8211; because added &# 8211; it lдsst me just better fьhlen to focus it closed for my problems. What I kцnnte do then?You sound closed for me as a person not glьcklich, such fдrbt from the relationship, but a relationship can make a unglьcklich. That with the desire to have children is, inter alia, a relationship problem and one to which it is directly involved, and that can frustrate you natьrlich (and must). I do not find it surprising to establish a relationship in question, if one is in basic decisions, such as fertility, not unanimous. Rather, it seems to me that a natьrliche consequence.

Quote by SojournerThat with the desire to have children is, inter alia, a relationship problem and one to which it is directly involved, and that can frustrate you natьrlich (and must). I do not find it surprising to establish a relationship in question, if one is in basic decisions, such as fertility, not unanimous. Rather, it seems to me that a natьrliche consequence.Do you think the general or with respect to the TE?

Because
Quote by carlienOnly when it comes to children, I am so "frustrated" because I still want to wait until View next year since lдngerem ready but this he wдre. Or. I'm thought and I doubt (just because of my sometimes negative Gefьhlen the world gegenьber) and he did not entkrдftet that, but makes himself his own concerns (money, security, time ...) Where he natьrlich has a right on it and what I understand normal. In a bad phase but closed for me the absolute death sentence closed for the relationship.both have doubts, not just him.

I can imagine that he respect himself. Children makes not only because of money and time concerns, but also whether Carlien really wants, he is not there to dafьr entkrдften their doubts. Is it the right thing closed for a commitment by having children, if they so much doubts the relationship he has to build up again, her so much suffering their depression. What is this, if there are children?

Quote by Ocean_Do you think the general or with respect to the TE?

Because

both have doubts, not just him.

I can imagine that he respect himself. Children makes not only because of money and time concerns, but also whether Carlien really wants, he is not there to dafьr entkrдften their doubts. Is it the right thing closed for a commitment by having children, if they so much doubts the relationship he has to build up again, her so much suffering their depression. What is this, if there are children?I wrote clearly in the second paragraph, that it also puts doubt on the day. Whether one (though sometimes dubious) mцchte implement fertility with the partner a general but often hдngt on how this is дussert this or that Sicherheitsgefьhl is mediated one.

This can turn into a vicious circle. He doubts it or not entkrдftigt her doubts, she doubts then back to the world and to itself, and ultimately on their fertility. In the entrance post the TE writes that he wanted only to "View next" wait years - in other words, he mцchte the whole from various Grьnden move first.

Closed for me that sounds like groЯer uncertainty on both sides. And yes, both with respect to this relationship and, in general: I wьrde fertility in a relationship as the cause closed for many problems and also recently Inkompatibilitдt not unterschдtzen. If you will not agree or not feel sufficient safety of both on this issue, it will not work in the long run.

Thanks closed for your answers ...

Quote by Karla_1963but SELF provides closed for himself.In any case. I do not mцchte also my partner closed for my Gefьhle blame, mцchte only understand why I fьhle closed for him - sometimes. Simply he is not the right, as written, or wьrde me with another well happen.

Quote by Loop1976are you doing at the moment also? if not, you kцnntest you imagine to make one?No, I do not. That is the question. Fьhle no right, since it is actually back'm fine and I do not call these negative Schьbe as real depression wьrde. And'm scared because it's terribly tiring something and a first and may draw very down.


Quote by Loop1976and I'm wondering frankly that he accepts it that way.Yes, that surprised me. I befьrchte that he purely eats everything in it. but his love will decline increasingly without his дuЯert itself. Can not leave him cold indeed. he says. He is totally ьberfordert. But he does nothing, plain speaking, my forehead provides whatever, makes me all the more enttдuschter. I understand it, but the more I can "wьten"...

Quote by Loop1976was the exbeziehungen in your same?Only had a proper relationship before him. It's like from another time. Since I had this kind of negative Gefьhlen not in this way.

Quote by SojournerFrom the text it reads as if you were very dissatisfied and frustrated.That's me in my bad phases also. I put everything into question. Fьhle me alone and miЯverstanden. Sounds stupid, but otherwise I'm fine I or fьhle me well - live a good life.

Quote by Sojournerthe overall climate of the relationship anything but harmony appears.AuЯerhalb my phases I wьrde already say that it is very harmonious. Only if it continues like this makes it more and more broken. I have to work on myself, I weiЯ, the question is only what - is the anger at him really angry with him or just anger on me and everything else.


Quote by SojournerMay I ask how old you are or you're both?If both this year still 31st

Quote by SojournerYou sound closed for me as a person not glьcklich, such fдrbt the relationship from,I weiЯ. These are phases, but yes, I fьhle me unglьcklich and old Gefьhle come through. Wonder halt in this context: Are my moods blame as I think then informed about my friend and the relationship, because after all is well or not something is fundamental in the relationship.


Quote by Ocean_I can imagine that he respect himself. Children makes not only because of money and time concerns, but also whether Carlien really wants, he is not there to dafьr entkrдften their doubts.That's right, he's not, but like Sojourner wrote when both are uncertain, it is a combination blцde.
He is very security conscious, mцchte achieve more in life and wдre sure of itself now not come up with the idea, but only in a few years.


Quote by Ocean_Is it the right thing closed for a commitment by having children, if they so much doubts the relationship he has to build up again, her so much suffering their depression.He says. He mцchte that with me.
Wьrde closed for me not to say that depression determined my life or he have to build continuously. This current negative phase now takes about a week and it feels better to me - just that I'm bashing again verbally to him and the Gefьhle are far closed for him. The coming quickly, grad but he's like a stranger ... The last time was the Sun in April.


Quote by Sojourneror which is mediated Sicherheitsgefьhl a. This can turn into a vicious circle.
If you will not agree or not feel sufficient safety of both on this issue, it will not work in the long run.I see дhnlich. I myself have doubts and higher priority must be my friend "ьberzeugen", The confused me even more. We both want to somehow, but is then "correct" more to make a decision? I've somehow presented me otherwise ...

Quote by VeranoazulCan you these situations when you realize that they escape coming up, sports, go for a run?Not as a feel of most anhдlt a couple of days and as long as I can not go out of the way my friend.

Quote by carlienThanks closed for your answers ...
In any case. I do not mцchte also my partner closed for my Gefьhle blame, mцchte only understand why I fьhle closed for him - sometimes. Simply he is not the right, as written, or wьrde me with another well happen.I can tell you only write as I perceive your writing, and here I base myself among other things, these statements:

Yes, that surprised me. I befьrchte that he purely eats everything in it. but his love will decline increasingly without his дuЯert itself. Can not leave him cold indeed. he says. He is totally ьberfordert. But he does nothing, plain speaking, my forehead provides whatever, makes me all the more enttдuschter. I understand it, but the more I can "wьten"...I believe that wьrde me this Passivitдt as nerves, and mцglicherweise, thereby fьhlen me provoked. It is quite krдnkend when one's partner is not entkrдftigt doubt, but one "dubiously" zurьcklдsst. Maybe you just wьnschst you more determination that gives you the same time more security?


AuЯerhalb my phases I wьrde already say that it is very harmonious. Only if it continues like this makes it more and more broken. I have to work on myself, I weiЯ, the question is only what - is the anger at him really angry with him or just anger on me and everything else.Have you a feel of that this anger is always a kind "outbreak" is? There is also the Mцglichkeit you the GroЯteil time, the relationship that can be harmonious and also closed for schцn you're talking about - but you always "break out" because you realize that something is not right.


I weiЯ. These are phases, but yes, I fьhle me unglьcklich and old Gefьhle come through. Wonder halt in this context: Are my moods blame as I think then informed about my friend and the relationship, because after all is well or not something is fundamental in the relationship.What I perceive that you have a desire to have children, but he wьrde wait a few years on his own, and has not initiated this themselves. That is my feeling after not a good basis closed for a relationship, simply because you are forced by waiting.

He has good Grьnde especially if it is very security conscious and mцchte to mцglicherweise yet to establish better professionally.

Thus, it can be your current Bedьrfnisse not erfьllen and I kцnnte imagine that this fьhrt with you to dissatisfaction, not only in the sense that it currently kцnnt not realize your desire to have children, but this is also a feel of auslцst unconsciously with you that he thee "anyway" can not do glьcklich.


I see дhnlich. I myself have doubts and higher priority must be my friend "ьberzeugen", The confused me even more. We both want to somehow, but is then "correct" more to make a decision? I've somehow presented me otherwise ...I kцnnte imagine that you more determination on the part of your partner is missing in general, especially when you doubt. Closed for a woman to have children it can be a ungemьtliche and partly demьtigende situation to mьssen ьberzeugen a man. I find it incredibly difficult, but I kцnnte imagine that such helplessness and uncertainty fьhrt too much frustration in the long run, which then дussert in anger and according to allegations and Vorwьrfen partner gegenьber.

That will not now rejoice - but I think you should ask yourself seriously why do under these conditions a child with your boyfriend want to have. And if you can answer that.

You do not have to be perfect to a child in the world to place, but you seem to me not emotionally stable enough, and your relationship even more. Together have a child is a hard Prьfung closed for any relationship, and the dafьr everything is hardly a stable base.